I want an iPhone!

Since the iPhone was released (the first one), I've been ignoring it. Yes, it's beautiful. Yes, it's awesome. "Blah, blah" was my reaction.

I guess I finally drank the iKool-Aid, because I HAVE GOT TO HAVE ONE. It happened all of a sudden, just like a switch was turned on, or maybe someone wiped the windshield clear so I could see. I need it.

I've been Googling and staring at eBay for days. I don't trust the hackers on eBay promising me that the iPhones they have for $700+ are unlocked and ready for any GSM carrier. (Why do they have a no-return policy then? What if you can't find good service?!) Congress is trying to work something out, or they were trying before the economy popped.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-10784_3-9879554-7.html

Can't we all just shut up and sell SIM cards, which will either be tied to contracts or a pay-as-you-go service, and then have universally compatible handsets for sale separately? Then, I could walk myself to the mall next door, march straight into the Apple store and skip out with an iPhone for mois. Is that so difficult? Who would deny me such cell phone happiness? What have I ever done to the world?

Make it happen, people!

Somebody better make it happen soon, because my frustration over being in cell phone contract jail until February 16, 2010 is going to give me gray hairs.

Laughter can be dreadful

Remember the song in Mary Poppins about laughing? I can't figure out how to post this video, so here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx7lz5X2vKk I know a person with many annoying laughs. Let's call her Jane. Jane sometimes hisses like a snake. ssssssssssssssssssssss Other times, Jane wheezes like she's going to have a heart attack. Which gives me a heart attack, because I naturally assume I'm about to see someone clutch their chest and fall over. Frightening. She will even cackle on occasion. I don't think I've ever cackled. What can come over a person to make them cackle? I don't understand that emotion. Why is laughter, a positive thing, sometimes so annoying?!

To launder or to pack?

I realized just a few minutes ago that I would actually rather pack than do laundry. Packing is awful! Why would anyone in their right mind rather pack up all of their belongings three whole weeks before they're moving than do a load or two of whites? I'll show you why.

Here is the UGLY laundry room I have:

All of that mess on the wall is because there was a leak last month and the maintenance peeps said they would let it dry out and make sure there was no more leaky ... wall or whatever ... and then they'd come spackle and paint. (I'm not sure if spackle is the correct term here; I just like to say "spackle".) You can see the wall for yourself, so there's the end of that story.

Here is the inside of my washer:

As you can see, only about two towels and maybe a sock will fit in there. Then, during the spin cycle, the lid will bounce up and down and the entire tower of washer/dryer machinery will dance about. I feel sorry for my neighbors. I never hear their machines boogying. I want this:

What girl doesn't deserve this glossy duo from Samsung? That's laundry heaven, right there. I'll take the laundry room, too. Thanks.

Define "fat"

Breaking news - are you ready? Americans are overweight. I know, shocking. A government-funded study predicts that everyone will be fat within 40 years.

Let's take this with a grain of salt, please.

#1. This study was published in a medical journal called "Obesity". Clearly, they're a little obsessed and probably prone to exaggerate. Maybe they should go for a walk and clear their heads.

#2. Dr. Liang acknowledges that this is "really intended as a wake-up call". She admits that it's a scare tactic? Nice.

In other food news, en la France, taxes will likely be imposed on fatty foods. Now that's just not nice. All of French food is fatty! What will they eat?

How can the above two stories be newsworthy when we've got a story about how cancer chemicals are being REDUCED in chips and fries?! Pardon? I guess there's this chemical, acrylamide, that naturally occurs when you fry a starchy food. It causes cancer in lab rats. Check out this nice quote:

"Everybody's trying to figure out how to lower levels (of acrylamide) without significantly, adversely affecting taste," said Michele Corish, an attorney for Lance, which produces Cape Cod chips.

Oh, so what ... cancer tastes yummy? Couldn't we just nix the cancer altogether and just be done with it? I'm pretty sure that would make us all happier. I can't imagine that acrylamide makes a potato taste more like a potato, which is what we all expect when we eat a potato, no?

What I really want to know now is this: is this cancer story intended as a wake-up call, too? We should all stop eating potatoes in any fried form?

I guess it's one small step to save us from our impending communal fatness - no, I mean obesity.

"Crazy"

As I occasionally do, I did some dusting off in my iTunes library this morning. Sometimes, you just need to look at the songs with a zero play count and delete those bad boys. (free singles of the week you didn't like, stuff you swiped from a friend but hated - you know what I mean) Unfortunately, when I got a new laptop, all of my old songs transferred over with a clean slate, so everything started again with a zero play count. Consequently, I have a lot of zeroes.

Today, I ran across Patsy Cline. I only have a few songs, so she's easily lost in the 10 gigabytes of music, and I guess I forgot all about her. I was surprised when I saw her in there, and I decided to Google the girl. As it turns out, she grew up (and is buried) in nearby Winchester, VA. I've lived here nine years and I never knew that. More importantly, I had NO idea she died in a plane crash when she was 30 years old! Anyone who knows me knows how much I HATE HATE HATE flying. Just add Patsy Cline to the list of reasons I do. Ritchie Valens, Buddy Holly & the Big Bopper are on that list, too. (Need I say more?) You always hear those stories about people who knew they were about to die. Patsy Cline supposedly knew she was going to die soon. She started giving her things away, just how old people do when they think their time is up. She wrote out her will, and asked friends to take care of her children if anything happened to her. She even referred to her latest album as her "last". Spooky. I don't think I'll forget about Patsy Cline again. All of her songs are out of the zeroes now. Here's to Patsy.

Bad Everything Days

I was talking with someone today about how sometimes you just don't have a good hair, face, figure, etc. day. Sometimes, all of that happens at once and it's the worst day ever that you could imagine having your picture taken. Imagine being a celebrity and that happens to you. Then your picture is published and snarky columnists and bloggers alike write slick lines about how ugly you looked that day. (They don't say "ugly", but that's what they always mean, isn't it?)

One day, little Katie Holmes, our sweetheart from Dawson's Creek, decided to marry Tom Cruise. On that day, there was officially no going back. The spectacle that is TomKat was born, then came Suri, and she is forever in the public eye. That poor girl never saw it coming. Look.

What could have possibly happened on this day? This is just like those days when you can't decide what to wear, so you end up trying on ten million outfits, and before you know it, you've burned 45 minutes trying on clothes and discarding the rejects on the bed, the floor, everywhere!! Then your friend, boyfriend, whoever, gets impatient and says it's time to go NOW. At this point, you resort to simply meeting the goal of covering up your body with whatever is around and run out the door, praying that nobody you know will run into you.

Poor Katie.

My dog can walk.

The best thing about having a dog is that they make you laugh a lot. Maybe not if you have a boring dog, I guess. Luckily, I don't. This is what Sam and I did tonight: